I have this week signed up to consensual blackmail with Mistress Haylee. This is a quick posting to share how it felt completing the contract and how it feels 24 hours later. I will also share a few hopes as well….. You never know Mistress Haylee might read it and take note!!
The contract itself requested details of myself, my wife, my work, my parents, my siblings and I had to write a letter to my wife (for Mistress Haylee to keep in case she ever wants to send it to my wife) , detailing a big fantasy that I have. Even though I expect the name, address telephone number etc, it is still hugely arousing typing it out, knowing I am putting everything at risk. I enjoyed filling out those details so much. In fairness I would have given anything I was asked for….. Bank account details, copy of driving licence. The more information I give, the more exposed I am. And that is exactly what I want. To feel exposed. To back myself into a situation where I have to do exactly what I am told to do, because the threats that can be held over my head are more scary than any embarrassing or humiliating task I might be given.
The letter to my wife was a really good idea. I couldn’t bear it if my wife ever received that letter. But I wanted to write it. I wanted to open up my defences and put everything on the line.
Yes – as this blog is titled….. I really am a willing blackmail victim. I really do want to give my Mistress every advantage, and weaken my own position. Do I want my life ruined? No. Do I want to lose my wife and children? No. So why do I want this? Why do I crave this? Why have I not felt one tiny regret since sending off my contract?
Because in Mistress Haylee, I have someone with the power, weapons, desire and ability to make me do whatever she wants, when she wants, and that is the key. I want to act because I have been told to do so. I want to learn to obey, even when the task is difficult…. Beyond difficult even. I want to have to embarrass myself, humiliate myself, feel real shame…. I couldn’t do those things without the correct incentive. Blackmail is the incentive. I can now doing anything I am asked to do…. Surely?
So I will finish this first post with a plea to My Mistress.
Please Mistress…… Find my boundaries. Stretch them, break them, smash them. If you make me cry, be proud of yourself. If you think i can’t take any more, test out your theory….. Make me take more. Relish in my suffering. Enjoy it. Make me thank you. Make me beg you for more. Make me ask you for more Mistress. Be a total bitch. A cruel bitch. I am a big boy. An adult. I am asking for this. Begging for this. Let’s have some fun Mistress. Bring it on!!
As a foot note, I would also like to say something to those reading this blog. This is real, we are not play acting. There are no safe words. No exit fees. No end date.
I will post so much more on this blog in the coming days and weeks and beyond. Including my email address as I would love to hear from you!!